Can't seem to say anything right TMI WARNING!!

Well I am sorry I haven't posted in awhile. We are under alot of stress as you can see from my other posts lol. Tonight I realised that I can't say anything right.
Every time I open my mouth it ether comes out as the same old thing I always say or it will end up starting an argument or come out all weird. I have alot of things on my mind and just can't seem to get it out in a way that conveys my feelings in the right way.
Tonight was one of those nights. I wanted to tell him how I loved him and that I really wanted to talk about our future past getting married like kids but it came out as "How long after we get married do you want to start trying?" He was playing his game and said "I don't know" even though he has told me more then once that he wants to try right away. I wanted to ask him "what don't know anymore?" but bit my tongue.
The 2nd thing was when we were laying down in bed and anyone who lives with a person with PTSD knows that thanks to the damn meds, Sex just doesn't happen that often. This normally doesn't bother me. BUT there is 1 week a month when I really, really want it and normally he will at least try but NOOOOO he said "I told you I was tired and have to get up for my motorcycle class" then proceeded to say "well if you want you can just jump up there and get yours" "I am going to get you a bob" WTF??????????????? When did the man that is normally so sweet start talking like that? I understand that he was tired but damn it I tried. I wore his favorite underwear and everything. I had been hinting around the whole day and he didn't act like it wasn't going to happen. Why when he is in the mood do we do it but god forbid I get in the mood when he isn't because then he won't even try. I know he has PTSD and the meds make it harder to attempt it and I feel selfish anytime this kind of thing happens. I just hate always being 2nd when it comes to some stuff. in this case I feel like my wants and needs are not being considered. On some occasions he can't finish and I do but I always try and make sure he gets his later on but the last time we had sex it was the other way around but did he attempt to help me later? NO he said he was sorry and went to sleep. I am sorry about talking about our sex life well what there is of one but hey this is my blog and my only outlet.
We have another anger couciling session Thursday but I can't talk about this kind of stuff because it is supposed to be about working through HIS anger and is not marriage couciling. I wish it was because every time I try to talk to him about anything he will just get mad or aggravated and then blame it on the PTSD. I understand that it causes some of his issues but he can't blame everyone of them of it. I don't blame all of my issues on my mom or my Washington thing(long story).
I just want to feel special again like I really mean the world to him like he says. He says it during our counseling and said it the day he went to his buddies house and pissed me off but lately I feel like he is being distant even though I know he isn't. I feel like because of all the stress which comes from HIS baggage, I am being ignored. I would really just like for him to give me a hug or a kiss for no reason and without me having to ask. I want him to sit rub his fingers through my hair and tell me I am pretty every once in awhile. I want to feel special again and not just for an hour which is normally how long it takes for him to go back to his old habits. I am not asking for him to be up my butt all the time just a little extra attention. I think he forgets that all the stress gets to me too and he doesn't realise that I need him just as much as he needs me. This man is my world and I treat him as such. I go up and give him random hugs and kisses, I tell him I love him alot, I make sure that he KNOWS he is special everyday. I rub his head when we cuddle. I just want the same bit of romance. For the last week he has been playing his WOW game every second that he is not at work and then still considers it "quality time" or "together time" because he is in the same room. I always considered together time as cuddling or doing something as a couple. Not just being in the same room on separate couches and computers. Oh crap that brings me to another thing that is pissing me off, his new computer has a password that I don't know and I have asked him for it but he says that I will figure it out and when I do I will think it is sweet. Well damn it I have tried everything I can think of and I want to know NOW! He knows all of my passwords and I told him he also has access to my phone anytime he wants to use it but his phone is stuck up his ass all the time and givees me weird looks every time I touch it. He knows what I have had happen in past relationships and that I have issues because of them and he says he understands it and told me it was a "big step" when I told him exactly what happened but then he puts a secret password on he new computer. How does that make any sense?
I am sorry to any of my readers if I have grossed you out or bored you but right now I am hurting and have no other way to get my emotions out.